Amor y Amistad

Me siento tan afortunada de tenerlos en mi vida. Cada uno de ustedes ha contribuido de alguna manera u otra a la dicha que siento hoy. A ustedes, mis amigos y familiares, les debo muchos recuerdos llenos de afecto, alegría, y buenas conversaciones. Hoy, por ser el Día del Amor y la Amistad, les dedico, con todo cariño, estas palabras que salen de mi corazón.



La mayoría de los que leerán esto, me conocen ya por muchos años y supongo que han visto el cambio que ha surgido en mí; ese cambio que me sacó de la oscuridad y me lanzo a esta vida llena de esperanza. Por supuesto que le debo esta conversión sobre todo a Dios, pero también a ustedes que siempre me apoyaron. Les pido disculpas por no haberlos apreciado. Sé que no siempre fui una persona fácil de entender y aun así, siguieron a mi lado, apoyándome y queriéndome. ¡Gracias!



A mis nuevos amigos, especialmente a los que he conocido en la Catedral, también les dedico esto porque tienen un lugar muy especial en mi corazón. Cada uno de ustedes me ha tocado en una forma difícil de explicar. Gracias por compartir en mi desarrollo espiritual. Estoy segura que también tendremos la oportunidad de hacer aun más y mejores recuerdos en el futuro, ya que mi vida no sería igual sin ustedes y no los pienso dejar.



Aquí les dejo un pequeño poema sobre el amor, dedicado a todos mis seres queridos. Espero les guste.



Amistad y cariño



Manteniéndonos unidos



Otorgándonos la oportunidad de



Realizar la felicidad




¡FELIZ DIA DEL AMOR Y LA AMISTAD!

Heart Condition

February is the month in which we celebrate love. In the past, this month would have lead to the spiral nose-dive into self pity and inevitably, self loathing. Ironic, isn’t it? The month that is dedicated to love and friendship was the month which always made me feel the loneliest. I need to learn how to accept love in my life. Instead of closing off my heart to love, I want to open it up and set it free; free of all of the resentments, the pains, and the fears that caused it to shut down in the first place. No, I’m not suffering from a physical heart condition, but from an emotional one; an ailment that has been slowly killing me without ever letting me live. Over the past few years, I’ve taken the path of self-discovery in order to find a cure and I’ve uncovered a few things about me.

I’ve come to realize that I’m the one who keeps attacking me. Over time, my heart has begun to heal. My eyes were opened and I now recognize some of the love that I’d kept afar for so long. I used to only focus on the love I was missing and overlooked the one that my family offered unconditionally. It was never enough. I considered it an obligation. They loved me because they had to. The few friends I did have, I viewed as momentary. I believed that people were your friends while it was convenient. Once the friendship became troublesome, they moved on. I now know that I let this happen. If I’m honest with myself; I pushed them away with my insecurities and inability to allow them to enter my safe, sheltered world. I now surround myself with kind and loving people that help me notice the beauty in living and in loving.

However, even though, I began healing some years ago, there is still that one part that I turned off at a young age and that has stayed off indefinitely. This is where my self-improving actions come to a complete stop. Here is the shell that I haven’t been able to break out of. The fear of rejection and of failure in a possible mature relationship still looms over me. I know I have to be true to myself and allow “me” to come out and expose myself to the world. I specifically choose the word “expose” because of its literal definition; to lay open to danger, attack, harm, etc. This is what I feel I would be doing by putting myself out there. I have to learn to be exactly who I am; to show all the good and the not-so good characteristics that make me, “me”. That true self that I’ve kept sheltered and safe for so many years. I’ve always felt that by allowing myself to welcome that kind of romantic love into my life would mean to invite the hurt to enter as well. That hurt which would inevitably end up consuming me.

So now that I know where the problem lies, I wonder if I am capable of taking the necessary actions to remedy the situation. I’ve lived with the loneliness for so long that it seems to somehow comfort me. I know it so well that it’s hard for me to let go of it. I like my independence; the freedom to do as I want, when I want and not have to worry about anyone else. Yet, sometimes, I long to have someone to share my life with. This is a contradiction that I’ve dealt with for a while. Am I ready to accept the fact that I will live my life alone? Not just yet. Like I said in the beginning, I need to open myself up and set me free, permanently and maybe then I can finally find the cure to my self-inflicting heart condition.